


surface

by doitforthecarstairs



Category: The Last Hours Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Matthew unfriendly, Other, don't read this if you stan him lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-01
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:21:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29788425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doitforthecarstairs/pseuds/doitforthecarstairs
Summary: Matthew is being his usual self, but Thomas can’t be quiet if that means he’ll keep insulting Alastair.March 1st: hopes for CHOI
Relationships: Alastair Carstairs/Thomas Lightwood [mentioned], Thomas Lightwood & Matthew Fairchild
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42
Collections: Chain of Iron countdown





	surface

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably the longest fic I've ever posted here 😩 I got carried away, this was so satisfying to write 😎
> 
> Trigger warning for mentions of bullying, implied victim-blaming, and racism.

Thomas seriously considered walking out of that room several times that night.  
  


Ignoring that entire conversation was the easier way to deal with it, and it’s what he had been trying to do for the weeks after the engagement party. But today, it was too much for him to do so.  
  


“Honestly, I cannot blame Elias for taking so long to come home. With a son like that? I don’t think I would come back either.” Matthew had spent at least the past half an hour finding the most creative ways of insulting Alastair Carstairs.  
  


“Matthew!” James slapped his arm. “That is Cordelia’s father you’re talking about.”  
  


“I did not mention Cordelia, though.” Matthew defended himself. With a smirk, he added: “Apologies, I didn’t mean to make fun of the happiest day of your life.”  
  


James sighed and opened his mouth, but Anna walked into their place at the Devil Tavern and interrupted him. She posed, _What do you all think of this waistcoat?._ Thomas felt grateful at the change of topics, but his mind still wondered.  
  


After James’ and Cordelia’s engagement party, all that Thomas wanted to do was to go to Alastair’s house, to hold him, to throw him into the Thames, to touch his natural black hair and to ask why. A few months ago, Thomas imagined that many feelings couldn’t coexist. Oh, how naïve had he been?  
  


His friends had been all around him since that night. Thomas figured he should be used to being treated like a helpless child; his parents raised him like that, he would live like that. But he wasn’t. He wanted them to stop, but grief and anger confused all the feelings he was no longer sure of. Alastair, though, never acted like Thomas was helpless. When things felt too much, Thomas had given up and sneaked out from a family dinner to go to the Carstairs’ house.   
  


They had talked for hours, and Thomas forgave him. Alastair’s shoulders tensed up and he furrowed his brows, but honesty filled his eyes and voice. They’ve been meeting each other in secret since then, and Thomas could listen to Alastair ramble about flowers, myths and any new books he was reading for hours.

Alastair Carstairs was not who Thomas thought he was; he was better. 

As if his friends heard his thoughts, Thomas heard Alastair’s name again. “He couldn’t recognize good looks if they hit him in the face, Raziel.”

“Enough, Matthew.” Thomas flinched at the coldness in his own voice.

Matthew turned to look at him, surprised. “Why? It’s not like you like him either.”  
  


“You know nothing about the way I feel about him, about anything.” Thomas was _painfully_ angry, but he wouldn’t shout. He never did. “You don’t know me, Matthew, you never bothered doing so. I understand why you are mad about what happened at the Academy, but those are your feelings! I _hate it_ when you project them onto me, and you would know that if you cared about my opinion. But why would I know, I’m simply the kind one, right? There is nothing more to me.”  
  


Everyone in the room was staring at him, their eyes wide open, but Thomas didn’t care. Even Christopher had lifted his head, and Lucie bit her lip. Breathing deeply, he reminded himself of not repeating his past mistakes. He grabbed Matthew by his arm and shoved him out the door to the empty hallway, leaving their friends behind.  
  


“You’re- you’re understanding this all wrong, Tom.” Matthew seemed speechless. “This is not about me! It’s about our parents, about our families!”  
  


“ _Don’t Tom me._ ” After so long of holding his feelings back, the words were floating out of Thomas’ mouth. “My parents already forgave Alastair, and I’m sure yours would as well. It was five years ago, and we were stuck in Idris, so stop acting like a fifteen-year-old boy’s words affected our parents more than the grown men’s who actually spread that rumor.”  
  


Matthew stared at him, his mouth gaping open. “He was a bully, Thomas! He’s a _bad person_! Why are you suddenly defending him? You know I hate him, and you were fine with it yesterday!”  
  


For a moment, Thomas felt like he couldn’t breathe. _Unbelievable._ “You weren’t the nicest person either, if I recall correctly. What were those comments about his appearance, about his family? He told me about all of that, for I had shamefully forgotten. I would like to think you have changed, but you seem to enjoy proving me wrong.”  
  


“What do you mean _he told you_?” Matthew’s voice was getting louder, but neither of them cared. “Have you been talking to him?!”  
  


“ _Yes._ I have forgiven him, and you should too. At least try to understand!” Thomas’ eyes burned from holding back tears and keeping his voice even.  
  


“There is nothing to unders-” Matthew looked seriously angry now.  
  


Thomas interrupted him. “I’m your friend, Matthew, and I want you to move on. This rivalry is poisoning you, and you’re dragging me down with you!”   
  


Matthew’s face fell. That seemed to shut him up. He stayed silent for a few minutes, running his fingers through his hair, and Thomas could swear he looked embarrassed.   
  


“I’m sorry,” he mumbled. “I wasn’t aware you felt that way.”  
  


“I am not the only one you should be sorry for.” Thomas sighed. It was a step forward, at least. “Talk to him, Matthew. He wants to move on as well. Please.”   
  


Matthew didn’t answer, and after a while Thomas gave up waiting. He walked away, without bothering to go back in for his coat.  
  


At the top of the stairs, Thomas glanced over his shoulder, but Matthew had already gone back inside.  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I'm on Tumblr under the same name!


End file.
